Accountability in Growth

At the time of writing this, I have shared the amazing news that my new novel will be out on November 16th. My best friends have received amazing news of their own as well that they have been sharing on their own terms. Our little tight-knit group is changing yet again but for once it doesn't feel as though we've been flipped upside down. As we're seeing a progression in who we are as individuals and how our experiences are shaping our futures, I've been going through my usual self-reflection.

I truly believe the only reason we're reaching the places we want to be is that we are taking accountability in our growth.

The word accountability has recently been associated with apologies and consequences. People have been demanding around the world that people be held accountable for their actions. Now, I'm not here to argue about that or dive into the complicated conversation of where the lines have become distorted while living with cancel culture. Instead, I want to talk about a different kind of accountability that can be viewed in a more positive way. The accountability we must honor when we grow as people.

One thing that has always captivated me is the way we as people have viewed progress and how we go about considering what is and is not deemed productive or successful. When we see someone go through a transformational period of their life, we often notice the result not the process. However, when we see that someone has gone backward instead of forward then we are quick to wonder where someone went wrong. While everything is circumstantial and there are plenty of factors that contribute to a person's life choices and directions, I want to speak about inner growth.

Everyone has to find a way to take accountability for the progress they make in their life. I understand it can take a long time to make progress and I think that is perfectly fine. It doesn't matter how long it takes a person to reach their goal as long as they are indeed proactively working toward that goal. It's okay if your personal growth is slow or if you are the type of person who can adapt and change quickly. However, once you obtain that growth it is up to you to maintain it or build on it and I don't think we talk enough about taking accountability in a positive way.

When I'm speaking with my closest friends, I'm listening to how proud they are of their accomplishments which they should be! They have all worked hard to obtain the jobs they have obtained, the degrees they have, and the other areas of their personal lives that they take great care of. Yet, while I'm listening I'm not only hearing them speak about the journey they had to take to get to where they are and the emotions associated, I'm hearing accountability for each choice they made along the way.

It is so easy to get a taste of success and feel the thrill that comes with it. From my point of view, I feel where most people go wrong is failing to take on the responsibility of that growth. We're such creatures of habit that we tend to fall back into old routines even if we are aware that they will no longer assist us in our new positions. I feel I'm part of a generation that is trying their best to open up conversations about taking care of ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually in ways that previous generations may have been too shy or too uncomfortable to speak about. I hope we reach a place where we can acknowledge that taking accountability for our growth doesn't mean we can't have bad days, but that we can check in with ourselves and correct ourselves when it's necessary.

Being responsible for our lives can be daunting, but I think it can be quite a gift too. We're able to build our lives into more favorable images that we've dreamed about. Sometimes it takes a long time or a more difficult path, other times it happens quicker than we imagined, but I still hold onto the belief that it's possible.

It's Not All Light and Love.

I think when people hear I identify myself with spirituality they assume I'm going to preach to them to be full of light and love. I understand why this is a common assumption for people. It feels like the last few years we've seen nothing but posts and books about finding happiness and being full of light in the world. Even I've written things encouraging people to find their own version of happiness and success.

I do believe in finding happiness. I also believe in finding ways to be a positive light and to fill your life with love in as many healthy ways as you can. However, I think it's unrealistic to expect people to dismiss their negative feelings. One thing that I've always tried to keep consistent with my writing is the acknowledgment that it is natural for darker elements of being human to exist in all of us. We all have our flaws in our personalities but that doesn't mean we have to always correct those flaws, sometimes they can be strengths.

Personally, I have always had to learn to control my temper. I'm not the type of person to physically get in a fight and I've never believed in physical violence as the answer to problems. My temper comes out in my voice. It wasn't uncommon for me to have to bite my tongue and swallow down the urge to create an argument when disagreements with people emerged, especially on the topic of human rights. I'm quite passionate about people having the right to live their lives in peace in whatever way they want as long as it doesn't severely hurt others. I had to learn when and where it was appropriate to place my anger.

At the time of writing this, America is yet again seeing men in power making laws about what a woman does to her body. I understand the topic is quite sensitive to people and I feel if I were to speak up about my opinion and view on abortion and abortion laws that it deserves to be its own separate piece. What I can say is that I am a believer that everyone deserves to make their own decisions about their own body. Whether you are a woman or part of the transgender community, you deserve to make choices about your body and I will never tell you otherwise. As a young woman myself, I am outraged that I continue to live in a world where someone who does not know me, does not know my health history and does not have the experience of being in my body can somehow make laws and regulations telling me what I can and cannot do with my own physical form.

I've been seething for days.

I've been furious for days and I've been pouring over my journals trying to find the right words to express myself. I'm still struggling to properly communicate everything I feel and I might have to make a separate post in the near future to purge all of that emotion. Instead, I finally came to the conclusion to post this to say that it is more than okay to be furious when basic human rights are in danger. It's okay if you're like me and you find yourself so consumed in raw anger that you don't even know how you're going to properly communicate it to the world.

You're allowed to feel angry. You're allowed to feel furious about the world. Not everything is all light and love. It never will be all light and love and to try and tamper down other emotions is to try and erase what makes our existence in life and society such a fundamental one. We're not comprised of light. We're made of inspiring and destructive qualities and they are present for a reason.

For now, I'm going to try and communicate my anger in a productive way and then find something to calm me down for the rest of my day.

Stay safe.

Finding Determination Together

When I turned twenty-one I wanted tattoos for my birthday. I didn't want a party, I didn't want to go drinking with friends, and I didn't even want a special dinner celebration. All I wanted was tattoos. It was fitting that the first tattoos I'd ever get were words.

I wanted one word on each of my wrists. Each being able to fully capture who I was as a person and what I believed were essential life traits and characteristics. I chose the word 'Authentic' and turned to my best friend for assistance on the second word. It's nice to have someone who knows you well enough to offer perspective in an honest way when you fail to see yourself properly. One of the words she had chosen to describe me and my view of life was 'Determined'. While it was a compliment to be told such a word could describe me we ultimately ended on the word 'Accepting' which I then turned into 'Acceptance' and have proudly worn on my left wrist for two years now.

Thinking about the word determination scares me now and I find myself saying thank you to the past version of me for not going with that word.

My truth in this current moment is that I don't feel determined. While I've found support in my writing, my blog, and in some personal areas of my life, I am also terrified of my future. My dreams seem so close and yet floating so far away. I'm caught between running full speed ahead at them and giving up. Except, I've come too far to give up and I feel it's my responsibility to see things through. I've already started something snowballing in motion.

It's difficult to stay determined when you start doubting whether or not you're capable of making something happen the way you've always pictured it. You have to be prepared to fail and try again. You have to be prepared for reality to not meet the expectation. You have to be prepared to force yourself to keep reaching for the things you're dreaming for and let go of the things (and sometimes the people) that aren't supporting you or helping you get to those dreams. I don't feel like pushing myself forward, but I'm going to.

All this to say if you're not feeling determined right now toward something in your life I'm just here to say that is perfectly okay. We can try to find our motivation together. We can work a day at a time to find all of that determination existing somewhere in our bodies, in our souls, and in our minds. It may take longer than we want but it's worth it in the long run. It's okay to take breaks, it's okay to feel whatever you need to feel, but you can't ever give up on yourself especially when you could be closer to your dreams and goals than you think.

Now, at the time of writing this, it is almost 9 a.m. where I live. I have been up since 4 a.m. and in that time I have cried, planned my day, answered emails, wrote a thank you letter, journaled a bit, answered messages in my inboxes from readers (all of you are incredibly sweet! Thank you for sharing who you are with me, I never take it for granted), cried again, and then reminded myself that I have people to write for, things to work towards, and other goals to accomplish. Thank you for helping me by being my motivation, thank you for reminding me to be determined, and I hope I'm able to do the same for you.

We have more time than we think we do.

Love you!

Love,

Dasia Z.