Rosalia vs. November

When looking back at the completion of my series I often find myself smirking at the parts that I know relate to my personal life. I've hinted that the next novel I would like to put out for everyone is rooted in reality with various topics involved, but it's become a form of therapy for me as I look back at how my depression has intertwined into who I am today and my writing. There's signs hidden in the Cassadine trilogy of the two opposing sides of my personalities in the forms of November and Rosalia. I've stated before that little bits of me live in all my characters and there isn't one specific character based entirely on myself, that statement still remains true. However, there are small sections of me living in Rosalia and November that reflect who I am when I'm not in a depressive state and who I am when I am in that place. Similar to Rosalia I can be funny, charming to those I meet, and believe in sharing as much of my love as I can to good people. It's during these times that I feel in exceptionally light moods with extra smiles directed at just about everyone I make contact with, it's a feeling of pride and accomplishment as well as pure joy. However, there are other parts of my personality that often stay buried in the privacy of my home only shared among with certain family members and close friends. Part of the reason I never came to form any sort of hatred toward November is because I understand her need to prove herself, her drive to protect whatever she thinks as hers even if she's acting on impulse to do it, and all of that built up anger comes from somewhere deeper than what she's willing to show people. For some clarification I would never harm people the way November does from time to time, but I empathize just as well with her as I have with other characters I've created. Whenever Rosalia and November would meet eye to eye there was enough tension between them that everyone could feel they didn't get along and it was better to keep them separated but I truly believe that had the two of them pushed aside their need to be the only one rightfully in power that they could have found a balancing harmony despite the two being centered in their emotional drives. They both have strong personalities and have proven they are more than capable of taking care of themselves; each having moments where they displayed their intelligence and courageous behavior. The two as a working pair could have been possible if there weren't so many inner issue within either of the young women. This reminded me of my approach on myself. I keep a personal journal to document my mundane life for the sake of my own mental health. I started getting so annoyed by my constant mood changes that I began to divide parts of my personality into two forms, viewing them as two different Queens with a few similarities but enough differences that they can't always stay compatiable. When my mood is brighter and my mind is feeling optimistic about the world I like to think of myself as the form of Queen Dasia. Whenever the inside of my mind has filled to the brim with negativity my mood is typically cynical met with a lot more of a sarcastic bite than the norm. Those days where I'm a little too confident and too unamused I think of myself as Queen Zanders. The reason I keep the title Queen present in both has nothing to do with excessive pride, instead it's there because no matter which mood I find myself in I am determined to get anything of priority done. I don't allow myself to slack off on the important things whether I'm feeling on top of the world and down under it so the title of Queen keeps me motivated. However, when I can balance out my emotions and rationalize my thoughts a beautiful harmony takes place which allows me to be simply Dasia Zanders, no added titles needed. Those are the days where the only emotion running through me is contentment. Those are the days where I can acknowledge both my beloved qualities as well as my less than lovely traits. Unlike Rosalia and November, my two opposing sides can coexist in me and even when they clash they both deserve proper credit for building my character as a person and a writer.

Self Care and Writing

It's almost inevitable for any writer to avoid confrontation with their own work. Often we spend hours writing, editing, getting frustrated, and then writing again. It's normal to lack in creativity on some days and it's completely normal to find yourself getting aggravated with the quality of your work when you're only on the first draft. I am guilty of depriving myself of sleep because of my writing, sometimes I'm awake until early morning without the realization hitting me until I hear the birds outside which makes me in no position to lecture other writers about being awake at ridiculous hours. What I can caution is the importance of taking care of yourself as much as you can while writing. From my own experiences I've become so absorbed in my own work that I've unintentionally skipped meals or find myself in a poor condition from lack of hydration and sleep which is why I've made little tips and rules for myself that may serve as little reminders for others. Whether you are writing a novel, a short story, fan fiction, or an essay for class I hope you can take some of these as reminders and reassurances.

-Always keep a bottle of water beside you. Before you even sit down to write try to arrange at least two drinks to be ready to go. One drink can be anything of your choice such as coffee or tea, but the second drink should be water to maintain healthy hydration. You may be sitting for hours to write but you need to keep up your hydration for the sake of your health and your concentration.

-Take breaks to eat snacks and have a meal. It's so easy to get caught up in the work but train yourself to at least have enough breaks to get some food in your system. Personally, I'm no good at creating a story if I'm running off of starvation. How is my brain supposed to generate new ideas if it's lacking fuel to keep going?

-Space out the work load. Never force yourself in a position where you make yourself write everything in one day, that will only leave you with headaches and maybe even self-loathing when things don't go as you planned. If you know you have a deadline to meet plan out a schedule that allows you to work on sections at a time. If you insist on writing an entire piece in one sitting make sure you're doing it because you're genuinely in the mood not because you feel obligated to do it or because you feel guilty if you don't complete something in one go.

-Sleep is important. I'm not trying to sound like a hypocrite because like I previously said I'm guilty of staying up late at night myself with my keyboard and journals, but I'm trying to get better about that. If you find yourself getting tired I think it's more than acceptable to take a break for a nap. Don't deprive yourself of sleep when your body needs it. You're not giving up or failing by going to bed at a reasonable time or taking a nap, if anything you're doing a great justice to your writing when you come back refreshed.

-Please, do not compare yourself to your work. Your work is part of you and you are part of your work but that doesn't mean your work defines everything about who you are and where you're going. The first draft will never be perfect. Those characters you created that seem to have everything put together don't diminish your self worth if you don't reflect their flawless ways. The characters that are full of sorrow and seem to have no way out don't have any indication that you won't get through your own battles. Yes, we pour ourselves into all sorts of intricate words, but that doesn't mean our realities are any less special.

-Take a deep breath when you get upset. It's okay to have writers block and everyone who has written anything in their life knows it's complicated some days to find the right words. All of us have gotten upset during the writing process but it's how we handle the frustration that makes the greatest impact on the paper. Remember that every obstacle has some sort of solution even if the solution is going back to make new plans.

-You'll always be more than enough. Maybe this one is more of my depression nipping at my ear, but every now and then I feel a dull emptiness when I write. It has nothing to do with the story or any lack of passion on my part, it has everything to do with wondering if what I'm writing is even going to be worth anything at the end. Is anyone going to like what I've written? Am I going to like what I've written? Do my characters seem realistic or did I polish them up too much? Did I leave plot holes and if I did how many am I going to find later that I missed during proof reading? There's swarms of questions filled with self-doubt and sometimes self-criticism, but I have to keep reminding myself that I'm more than enough. I'm more than enough for myself. I'm more than enough for my writing. I need to trust myself and love myself more. All of us do.

My point is that writing brings a lot of us a sense of self. It brings us a feeling that's so difficult to make others understand no matter how many ways we try to rearrange words to give it the proper description. It's never the writing that can destroy us, it's our lack of self-care and reassurance that can turn a work of art into an ominous reminder. To all my fellow writers, please practice self-care especially while you write that way your work can always be the beautiful therapeutic masterpiece you intended it to be.

It's Real Personal.

Writing has always been the first outlet I've used to express myself before any other method. The current story I'm drafting has made me go through a personal journey that I wasn't sure I wanted to open up about. It's strange because I know what parts of a story are actually parts of my life and who I am as a person, but my readers don't really know what is me and what is made to move the plot along. Writing is far more personal than some people want to acknowledge and I would be lying if I said I didn't spend some nights pacing with anxiety when I realize that what I'm writing is planned to be out there for everyone to read. Sometimes I want to keep certain stories to myself or when I'm answering interview questions or speaking with people I see out in public, I don't want to admit to them which character I feel the closest to in my recent novel or which ones are closer to my life experiences than others, but the truth is all of them carry parts of me. I was thinking about if it's fair to keep so much of who I am both open and private at the same time; is it possible to have both vulnerability and privacy? If anyone reading this goes to my Tumblr link it's basically like going into parts of my daily mind, that was the whole point of running two websites. On here you are given the opportunity to travel through my mind as a young writer while I continue to grow and discuss my different novels and their characters. On my Tumblr you are meeting the personal aspects of me as Dasia Zanders a person not a young author. I realize that because of this I have put myself out there for anyone to try to get to know and in a lot of ways I am comfortable with this arrangement so long as it remains safe and people continue to respect the few times I am not willing to share too much about my life. I am truly excited to see new followers and get occasional messages filled with curiosity and kind words. I hope I can build up a safe community space that allows me to encourage others to follow their dreams and become the person they want to be with a happy, loving, and proud mindset. Each day that I pick up my pen or log into my computer I am writing parts of myself that eventually get out to the entire world to view and it is my sincere goal that whenever you read something I've written you find a little bit of yourself in it. I want you to be able to read my novels and leave with new creative ideas to apply to your personal life and help motivate you to achieve whatever you have your heart set on. Yes, writing is personal and it can leave a person emotionally and mentally drained but for me it has always been worth it because later on it serves a purpose far beyond myself.