The Final Chapters of My Story: The Start of My Agony!

Typically, when I post on my blog I like to be honest but write about serious things that go on in my mind as a creative writer and a person. However, today I'm going to continue being honest but please don't take every word of this seriously. Have you ever worked on a project so diligently that you begin to feel that it's part of who you are? Or have you had a moment where everything is going so well that you become suspicious? I ask because this is my life as of lately. I've been working on a fourth novel recently and it's one that I think by the time it's gone through editing and I've come up with a cool cover, I'll be super proud of it! Currently, I'm at the edge of madness due to the last three chapters of this story. The last few chapters are going to be the end of my sanity and if that's not something all writers have in common then I don't know what is! I tried to write the ending of this novel about four months ago and it became tricky how I was going to do it and where my characters were going to be. So I took a deep breath and told myself to come back later and give it a whirl. I did just that. I took a week break to focus on other life matters then returned to the story. Nothing. Not a single word got written that day. Well, that's not entirely true. I wrote about two pages worth of material only to hate it and delete all of it. I kept calm and thought to myself that this is part of life and this is not the first time I've had writer's block, I've gotten through it once before and I could get through it again. I decided to set the story aside and try to gain inspiration. I did everything within my limitations to give me some sort of creative flow! As an introverted person, it can be difficult to find things to do in the outside world that don't make you want to roll your eyes, release a heavy sigh of disappointment, or wish for the universe to make you disappear. I forced myself out of the house with some friends. I planned a wonderful game night of fun that ended with everyone canceling or leaving early with the exception of my best friend. I went to theme parks and did all the rides so many times I could give you a detailed description of what to expect on said rides. I went to Starbucks where I sat in a corner sipping my sugary overpriced drink as giggling teenagers and stressed out business people came in and out the door. I went to the bookstore, the one place I find the most refuge in, and still came back with nothing! To say I've felt betrayed by my own self is an understatement. My point is that any story worth writing will be met with a challenge, but it's possible to work it out. I don't know how I'm going to write the last few chapters to where they need to be but I'm sure it'll get done in time. For now, I shall grasp the remaining parts of my sanity and go back to scribbling notes in my journals. For anyone else who loves writing and finds themselves struggling from time to time always remember you're not the only one. I see post from young writers every once in a while self-criticizing what they've written, that's okay to do as long as you aren't putting yourself down. It's okay to not know what direction to take your story in next and it's alright if you need a break from your writing to gather your thoughts. Everyone hits a roadblock at some point, it's about how you choose to handle it that matters at the end. Now, I'm going to go drink an unreasonable amount of caffeine and try again to figure out those last few chapters.

I hope everyone has a nice week! :)

Write What You Want

One of the reasons I'm always fascinated by my interactions with people has been with how diverse they can be. People who are true to themselves never remind me of other people. I like to believe I stay true to myself and part of that is admitting there are layers to my personality. I know people have made assumptions about my personality based off what they've seen on my social media or by the small interactions they've had with me face to face. Sometimes people base their opinion on me through my writing, they take what I've written and try to decode what parts are from my life story then they think that gives them enough to assume who I am and what I should be expected to write. That doesn't sit well with me sometimes because I believe in writing to express whatever needs to be let out of a person's system. I've always expressed my different interest in my clothing style, in my makeup, my post on social media, and especially in my writing. My stories aren't centered around what people expect me to write, they're written based off where I'm at in my life and how I'm feeling. My next novel isn't going to be a fantasy novel but that doesn't mean I might never write one again, it just means I have a topic or two in mind with a different approach than my previous work.

Over the weekend I was reminded that people have made assumptions about me despite trying to keep my reputation as clean as possible. People assume that because I've written books that I'm now a diva. I've been called spoiled on multiple occasions along with other colorful terms to describe me and that's okay with me, I can handle harsh words from time to time. However, I think it's important that I make this post because I know there are other people out in the world who are still learning how to handle hateful comments, especially when there are young writers posting fan fiction and other pieces of theirs for the world to see. To anyone who has been judged based off what you write or the amount of success your writing has gotten, please remember to write whatever you want. Don't write anything because it's what people expect from you and don't let hateful people bring you down. The moment you put yourself out to the world you have to know that you're opening yourself up to ugly company too but remember those people don't truly know you.

Write the stories you feel need to be told and do it because you love to do it.

Life Update: I Feel Adventurous.

The week right before spring break usually is full of exams, assignments, and other various projects that have me drinking way more coffee than should be allowed. There's a lot to get done in such a short amount of time but I like to believe I've formulated a schedule that accepts the tasks gracefully. While sitting in my developmental psychology lecture my professor mentioned how important it is for everyone to find time for the fun to avoid overworking themselves and my mind drifted down to my upcoming plans. One goal of mine for spring break is to complete the first draft of my new novel, currently, I have about twenty-three chapters done but I'm estimating it's going to take fifteen more before I call it finished. I'm a bit low on inspiration right now since my mind has been spinning with hard choices that only life can provide a person, but I'm anticipating this weekend to kick off a break filled with precious memories with the people who inspire me most. Maybe it's the fact that my birthday is in this month but I always feel a particular spark of joy and adventure in March. I'm thinking about posting life updates on this blog as I explore my days with both new friends and friends I've been with so long they're the equivalent of a family in my heart. Inspiration to write comes from so many different places but what guides me to pour my heart out on pages of papers comes from the inspiration life can give. This world is filled with a lot of beautiful people and places despite all the awful things we bare witness to on the daily basis. I feel adventurous and I'd love to share the most beautiful things that come out of that.